The Hopeful Humanist Cafe

Episode 56 -Putting Oneself Under The Microscope: A Conflict Resolution Tip

Welcome to episode 56!  Before making our way to constructing for ourselves a list of action steps to resolve conflict in a future episode, in this episode, I will provide a definition of conflict, make brief mention of Kilmann's conflict resolution styles, and share a tip about what a person can do when going to the "balcony" (William Ury) to get some perspective about the terrain of the conflict before us.  At first suggestion, it might sound radical and accusatory, but that is not the intent.  It is an opportunity for reflection and it provides us a chance to discover something about our interests and values as we look at our choices which have a revelatory nature about them.    

Quote (Orienting quote undiscussed in the episode): 

1) A thought by Gordon Livingston, M.D. about addressing conflict from his book, "Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart:" "Often I ask people in conflict to withhold criticism of those around them to see if this changes the atmosphere. It is amazing how radical this suggestion seems to many people.  The thought seems to be, 'If I give up criticizing and directing those around me, chaos will ensue. Chores will not be done, dishes will pile up, rooms will not be cleaned, though house will fall down, homework will be ignored, school failure will ensue, followed by drug abuse, pregnancy, and a life of crime.  I can't let that happens!'  This is called 'awfulizing' (a.k.a. catastrophizing), the idea that any relaxation in standards or vigilance is the first step toward failure, degradation, and the collapse of civilization as we know it." Gordon goes on to say, we help people more by example than by anything we say, especially by demonstrating "in our own lives qualities of commitment, determination and optimism."  I think one benefit of putting oneself under the microscope would be the awareness of our tendency to criticize.  Remember, criticizing is a discussion stopper. 

Resources:  

1) Go to the source for the definition of "conflict" that I have adopted for this discussion about how to resolve conflict.  According to this source, "Conflict exists when one person has a need from another person and that is not being met."  Click here to watch a video called, "Conflict Resolution" - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KY5TWVz5ZDU&t=114s

2) The five conflict resolution positions presented by Thomas Kilmann include the collaborative, competing, avoiding, accommodating, and compromising styles.  This video provides a very brief account of Kilmann's theory: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PFIydyH2H8Y

3) In an effort to get prepared for our eventual discussion on taking some strategies for conflict resolution and making them our own, I thought I would provide this short video.  Any ideas worth incorporating into a framework that will work for you?: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QyXFirOUeUk

4) One last video for good luck: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EABFilCZJy8

Thank-you for giving me an ear as I share some things that I found interesting regarding the topic of conflict and believe could be helpful for one to put in one's spiritual toolbox.  Peace, take care, be well, and share.

 

 

Episode 55 - A Long Pause Tribute ... ... ... ... ... ... To the Long Pause

Salutations and welcome to a very brief tribute to the ... ... ... long pause!! For me, this was one full minute of fun.  I invite you to experiment with the long pause for dramatic effect.  

 

Show Case Resource:

1) What do you think about this long pause? Caught off guard, unprepared, or a pause for deliberate effect? This clip is called, "Trudeau pauses for 21 seconds before answering question about Trump's response to US protests" - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SeaDi-0Nz8w

2) Here is a short video that speaks to the power of the pause - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WkS67oiei78

 

Thank-you, ... ... ... ... for joining me ... until next time ...

Episode 54 - Two Thought Experiments and Initial Meanderings about Conflict Resolution

Conflict is inevitable.  As the saying goes, "Conflict is not the problem ... the problem is how we approach and solve the conflict."  In this episode, by inviting you the listener to participate in two thought experiments, I hope to raise thoughts about what the conflict resolution landscape might look like.  Additionally, below I have included three videos from William Ury, who co-authored the book, "Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In" with Roger Fisher. 

 

Show Case Resources:

1) Click this link to listen for free the full audio version of "Getting to Yes," by Roger Fisher and William Ury - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HQz-psxGeC8

2) Sometimes when we are having a conflict, we have to take a step back or go to what William Ury calls the "balcony."  It will give us perspective, which according to the VIA Strengths Inventory is a strength that can bestow wisdom.  Interested in learning more about the "balcony," click this YouTube link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-c-SUdBoD6M

3) When we are stuck in our positions unable to stimulate those creative juices, sometimes we need help from the "Third Side."  Reaching out for help is definitely an option.  In this video, William Ury gives a number of examples about the benefits of inviting a "Third Side" into our discussions.  Click here for more: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hc6yi_FtoNo

4) In this last YouTube video, William Ury emphasizes the importance of listening to solving conflict.  He has suggested that perhaps we collectively need to usher in a "Listening Revolution."  Listen here to see what you think: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=saXfavo1OQo

 

Thank-you for joining me for this "seed discussion" about conflict and conflict resolution.  The conversation has so many more parts.  For instance, we should define what conflict is and explore a particular model about the conflict resolution process (i.e. what steps should one take to resolve a conflict?).  As always, the conversation is on-going and continuous.  Until our next blithering moment ...

Peace, take care, be well and share!!!

Episode 53 - Harvesting Seeds of Mindfulness, "Expectancies," Store/Mind Consciousness & Thanksgiving

Let me start off by saying, "I very much enjoy long pauses as they provide 'fill-in-the-blank" interactive opportunities for the listener."  Having shared that, it should come as no surprise then that this episode concludes with an ("awkward"??) long pause that will invite you to think about what you might do during this long weekend to "flower water"/"selectively water" seeds of mindfulness before I share my suggestion  (one among many) that one might do to foster here-and-now joy. 

T-shirt Idea: "It  is what it is so I will do what I can" (not addressed during the episode but a background thought in my mind's eye)

Daily Recitation from Thich Nhat Hanh: "Waking up this morning, I smile. Twenty-four brand new hours are before me. I vow to live fully in each moment and to look at all beings with eyes of love." 

Resources:

1) Here is a link for an explanation about Kurt Lewin's "Expectancy-Value Theory" of motivation: https://mightymustangsutk.weebly.com/expectancy-value-theory.html

2) For a beginning understanding of store consciousness, I am including the following article by Thich Nhat Hanh called, "Seeds of Happiness and Sorrow:" Click here for the link - https://buddhismnow.com/2015/02/22/seeds-of-happiness-and-sorrow-by-thich-nhat-hanh/#:~:text=Seeds%20of%20Happiness%20and%20Sorrow%2C%20by%20Thich%20Nhat,sorrow%2C%20seeds%20of%20pain%2C%20all%20kinds%20of%20seeds.

3) What is your definition of self-care?  Here is a link for the definition I used in this episode provided by Raphailia Michael, MA - https://psychcentral.com/blog/what-self-care-is-and-what-it-isnt-2/

 

Thank-you for joining me for another raw and spontaneous blithering moment about something we can do to foster THE GOOD LIFE.  Peace, take care, be well, and share!

Episode 52 - Reviving the Nostalgia of a Childhood Chestnut Game in the NOW

Aesculus Hippocastanum!  In this episode, I will tell you how to have a chestnut fight.  I believe it is a North American variation of a game that is called ¨Conkers¨ in England and has been played for generations.  I try to weave some additional thread-like thoughts from Thich Nhat Hanh and Maslow´s Hierarchy of Needs into the discussion in the hope of fostering an opportunity for love and belonging.  I leave the listener with the question: Knowing it is tough to be a kid amidst these Covid-19 times of ours because there is so little to do on the school yard during recess (i.e. no singing, no playing soccer, no playing tag, no basketball, etc.), should we revive and bring back to the school yard the chestnut fight?  What do you think?  What does common sense have to say about it?  

Resources:

1) Here is the only video on YouTube I was able to find that explained how to have a chestnut night.  It is cute and informative - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KJ_0V_BhA20&t=16s

2) This video shows how to play the traditional game of ¨Conkers" in England -https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4GaGw73LijM

3) Interested in information about the chestnut tree, click here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ec2_lUFLo0

4) ¨A year in the life of a horse chestnut tree: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sobEaRpag6Y

5) Want to learn more about the plight of the American Chestnut tree?  SciShow has these thoughts about ¨Bringing Back the Lost American Chestnut Tree.¨ Click here for the video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fe4G9tTzeW0

Thanks for joining me!  As always, the conversation is on-going and continuous.  Peace, Take Care, Be Well, and Share!!

Episode 51 - Two Self-Care & Happiness Calendars and Self-Care as Interbeing Wellness

Why not start your morning with a daily dose of inspiration about self-care and happiness?  Below, I have provided links to calendar creations from both Action for Happiness and the Greater Good Science Center.  Also, I share some thoughts about the idea that self-care is selfish and indulgent.  My thought, which would make a great T-shirt tag is this: "When you take care of yourself, you take care of the world!"  It connects with a frame of the self and other as not being separate and independent objects, but as deeply connected wonderous being ("these are not two" from ???).  As with all conversations, on the other side of the metaphorical fence, there is always a different perspective that can help us expand our limited two-eye-balled way of seeing things.  #ExploreExpandBecome

 

Showcase Resources:

1) Action for Happiness "Self-Care September 2020 Calendar" - https://www.actionforhappiness.org/media/913605/september_2020.jpg

2) Greater Good Science Center "September 2020 Happiness Calendar" - https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/images/uploads/GGSC_Happiness_Calendar_September_2020.pdf

 

A parting quote and article for food for thought about self-care at Left Brain Buddha: "Self-care is never a selfish act - it is simply good stewardship of the only gift I have, the gift I was put on the earth to offer others.  Any time we can listen to true self and give the care it requires, we do it not only for ourselves, but for the many others whose lives we touch." Parker Palmer.  This quote is contained in an article from Sarah Rudell Beach called, "10 Mindful Ways to Take Care of Yourself, So You Can Care for the World."  Click here to access the article - https://leftbrainbuddha.com/10-mindful-ways-take-care-can-care-world/

 

Just another tip of the iceberg conversation that I hope generates some constructive discussions about self-care.  Thank-you for being open to my initial meandering thoughts.  Peace, be well, take care and share!!!

Episode 50 - Open Pod Ruminations about Common Sense with Danielson

In this open pod (open mic) episode, part 2 of a possible 3 in a series on Common Sense, I hand over the discussion, without introduction, to Danielson to share his ruminations about common sense and politics or maybe more aptly the politics of common sense.  Danielson brings to the conversation some "hmm" thoughts that seem really relevant especially as the time arrives for our neighbours down south to prepare for an upcoming election.  For instance, what is the relationship between common sense and voting in a Democracy?  What is the relationship between common sense and social activism especially when a government in power does not even acknowledge at its national convention racial inequalities?  As an example to be applauded, creatively, the collective (common) sense of some concerned souls in the NBA has grown and expanded from raising consciousness by wearing team jerseys about a critical cause (BLACK LIVES MATTER) to boycotting play-off games and culminated into a partnership to make Dodger Stadium a polling station for the November 3 election in the USA.  Having raised the above questions, I want to take a moment to again state the obvious: ¨I do not have a monopoly on the truth.  I am just some guy hoping to encourage others to think critically." 

Here are some additional resources that could be helpful in terms of figuring out how to move forward with respect to making sense of common sense.

Resources:

1) ¨Common sense is neither common nor sense,¨ by Jim Taylor.  This article appeared in Psychology Today and provides 4 things to do to engage in thinking that is more ¨sensical.¨ Click here to check out the article ... https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-power-prime/201107/common-sense-is-neither-common-nor-sense

2) ¨Black athletes expected to stand against racism alone - and they shouldn´t.¨ This is an opinion piece by Morgan Campbell and provides a demonstration of the expanding spirit of common sense among NBA players into the ¨commons¨ of all people.  Click here to form your own conclusions ... https://www.cbc.ca/sports/opinion-nba-playoff-walkout-morgan-campbell-1.5702839

Peace, be well, take care and share

Episode 49 - Trying to make sense of common sense

In this episode, I wrestle with the relative and universal qualities of common sense.  While I do not have anything definitive to offer, I still believe there is value in having conversations that generate questions, even in the absence of answers.  It is a "seed" conversation about an "idea in flow."  Additionally, I introduce some preliminary thoughts about something I call, "The Tendencies of Truth."  The episode is comprised of several dialogue snippets I threaded together first between myself and Captain Jack and then myself and Danielson, two of my spiritual brothers.  I hope you do not get lost in the final synthesis.     

T-shirt idea: "So, what do you think?"

The 5 Tendencies of Truth (Hopeful Humanist Formulation of Truth):

1) One tends to believe that which feels to be true.

2) One tends to believe that which validates one's personal experience.

3) One tends to believe that which has practical utility.

4) One tends to believe that which has convergence.

5) One tends to believe that which opens itself up to scrutiny

Showcase Resources:

1) Check out this Ted Talk from Duncan Watts to see his take on Common Sense at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D9XF0QOzWM0

2) In the following video the narrator takes a strong stance on what a lack of common sense looks like.  Click on this link to see where you stand on the position presented - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5IyMSlvvTcc

The Parting Question -- "So, what do you think?"

 

Episode 48 - The New Covid-19 "Bubble World" of Professional Sports and Virtual Spectators

In this episode, I talk about an idea worth writing about.  I have attached the article that sparked for me a number of interesting questions about the impact of covid-19 on professional sports.  I leave my meandering thoughts with this question: So what do you think?  Is it in fact an idea worth writing about?  If so, maybe it is time for you to "Blog it or Vlog it!"  

 

News Article: 

1) Raptors restart NBA season with win over Lakers: https://www.cbc.ca/sports/basketball/nba/toronto-raptors-la-lakers-nba-restart-aug-1-1.5671738

 

Thanks for allowing me stumble along with this idea in flow.  

Episode 47 - Life Spheres & Fidelity ... be on guard against blurring, creeping, and infringement

With the rise of remote work, it could be helpful to look for the red and green flags in our ability to separate our work lives from our personal lives.  If we are not careful life spheres (what I like to call "Life Domains), might blur in such a way that one sphere creeps into and violates the boundary of another sphere.  A red flag/green flag inventory will help us keep our feet firmly on the ground to create healthy and balanced lives.

 

Quote: "Walk with the dreamers, the believers, the courageous, the cheerful, the planners, the doers, the successful people with their heads in the clouds and their feet on the ground." - Wilfred Peterson

 

Non-sequitur Truism: Squirrels can be squirrely  

 

T-shirt idea: Clarity of mind is a trip

 

Showcase Resource:

 

1) Check out this article called, ``Could working from home crush your career? HR expert warns about pitfalls" to discover the professional and personal consequences of working from home by clicking this link:  https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/kitchener-waterloo/could-working-from-home-crush-your-career-an-hr-expert-warns-about-pitfalls-1.5662220

 

Additional Resources:

1) Interested in going to the source to learn more about "Greedy Institutions," check out Lewis A. Coser's book called, "Greed Institutions; Patterns of Undivided Commitment," hopefully at your local library if possible.  Otherwise it will be an expensive read.  See for yourself by taking a visit on Amazon via this link: https://www.amazon.ca/Greedy-Institutions-Patterns-Undivided-Commitment/dp/0029067502/ref=sr_1_19?dchild=1&keywords=Lewis+A.+Coser&qid=1596237365&sr=8-19

 

2) Lisa M. Najavits' book "Seeking Safety" is a great manual for standing up to addiction and PTSD.  Again, hopefully, you can locate it at your local library, but if not here is the Amazon link: https://www.amazon.ca/Seeking-Safety-Treatment-Manual-Substance/dp/1572306394/ref=sr_1_fkmr0_1?dchild=1&keywords=Lisa+Nadjivats+seeking+safety&qid=1596237520&sr=8-1-fkmr0

 

Peace, take care, be well, and share!